Thoughts for a rainy day.

            So yesterday, I managed to catch a real good look at myself... not like physically, but who I really am on the inside. Have any of you ever gotten to that point, where you just see yourself as clearly as if you were looking in a mirror? No lies, no faking it, and nothing to hid behind. You just see yourself plain and simple, and man it sucks. Well anyway, I held out as long as I could pretending that there was nothing wrong, but I eventually ended up in my room sobbing and praying.
            "Lord, I am so dirty," I remember saying ," There is so much sin and horridness in me. I can't even bear to even see it.  I don't understand how you could love me when there is so much to hate!" Then I could hear Him respond. I could almost feel His arms around me and see the tears in His eyes. He was hurting for me. "My dearest love, if only you could understand."
             Then I realised, I don't have to understand. So much importance is placed on understanding in this culture and in this world, so I mistakinly thought that if I couldn't understand God loving me that it meant that He couldn't and shouldn't. The truth of the matter is, when I see how much I don't understand about His love for me, only then I begin to realise it. Only when I stop wondering why, can I see the how and that is what is important. Not to see the reasons behind His love, but to see the depth. Idk. I suppose it could seem like a simple thing, but I think it's important... so yah. =)