Sickness and Dispair.

Ok, so today, I got really really sick. I basically threw up every ten minutes from 3-7pm. But yah, while I was laying on the bed, trying to get some water to stay down, it occurred to me how depressed I get when I'm sick. Now most of you who read this (Haha. Tyler being the only one I know of. ), know that I throw the word depressed around allot. You all know I don't really mean "depressed" most of the time. I just like dramatic words. =) But when I'm sick, I really seriously do get depressed.
So I was thinking on this and realising how ridiculous it becomes after I stopped throwing up, and I realised, that I get ridiculously depressed when I'm sick, but when I get over it, I become unbearably happy. Seriously, I almost made myself sick again just 'cause I was so bubbly. lol! Now hold in there, I do actually have a point.
I was sitting there thinking about all this, and laughing at myself for being so circumstantial when I remembered the saying, "refuse to let your circumstances come between you and God." This got me thinking about how much I, and other people, make our circumstances part of our relationship with God. Not just when we are going through a sad situation. No, I see this in every circumstance of my life!
Sad, angry, bored, frustrated, tired, happy.... man, I let everything that happens color my relationship with God. It's kinda silly though isn't it? I mean circumstances are just that. Circumstances. A small point in my short life where I feel one thing or another because of certain things that are happening.
I'm not saying God hates to see me feel anything; I bet He takes great joy in my happiness. But when it comes in between me and God in any way whatsoever, that is sin. I was created for God, so why would I act like He created me for specific circumstances? Those are nothing! Just moments in a life that is blurring by, and most of them are insignificant. They pass away like "ashes in the wind" and are gone forever.
I see this and I say,"Dude, focusing on this instead of God? I have all eternity to look forward to, yet I let this one speck of ash cloud my vision?" How silly, right? Now I can't say that I will always look past that speck of dust, that little burnt piece of my life that fades away with the snap of the fingers, but I do believe that one step to fixing a problem is realising that there is a problem in the first place. We have to realise that we are in sin before we can accept that Christ can take it away. That's the biggest one that comes to mind. =)
Anyway, just wanted to share what I learned. =) I hope that whatever circumstance you are in right now, be it busyness, joy, pain, or anger, you can look past that tiny little speck in your eye and see Christ waiting for you with open arms, ready to show you what Him being your life looks like. Dude, It's so exciting. =) You can see glimpses of light through ashes, but most of the time, all you see is Darkness. Christ IS light though. =) It's gob stopping, awesome, spectacular, jaw dropping, and all those other words that express something so.... well just SO, that words to never truly explain. Hehe. I love my God. Isn't he just SO! 

Thoughts for a rainy day.

            So yesterday, I managed to catch a real good look at myself... not like physically, but who I really am on the inside. Have any of you ever gotten to that point, where you just see yourself as clearly as if you were looking in a mirror? No lies, no faking it, and nothing to hid behind. You just see yourself plain and simple, and man it sucks. Well anyway, I held out as long as I could pretending that there was nothing wrong, but I eventually ended up in my room sobbing and praying.
            "Lord, I am so dirty," I remember saying ," There is so much sin and horridness in me. I can't even bear to even see it.  I don't understand how you could love me when there is so much to hate!" Then I could hear Him respond. I could almost feel His arms around me and see the tears in His eyes. He was hurting for me. "My dearest love, if only you could understand."
             Then I realised, I don't have to understand. So much importance is placed on understanding in this culture and in this world, so I mistakinly thought that if I couldn't understand God loving me that it meant that He couldn't and shouldn't. The truth of the matter is, when I see how much I don't understand about His love for me, only then I begin to realise it. Only when I stop wondering why, can I see the how and that is what is important. Not to see the reasons behind His love, but to see the depth. Idk. I suppose it could seem like a simple thing, but I think it's important... so yah. =)